How do our children resemble cats and dogs? This week, Jeff and Heather find out as they speak with Dr. Michael Harris, an Associate Professor of Pediatrics and Chief of Psychology at the CDRC at Oregon Health & Science University here in Portland.
Dr. Harris has extensive research and clinical experience working with families of youth with diabetes, and his commonsense approach to parenting children and teens with diabetes leads us away from our heads and smack into the present moment.
What is called for? Mindful presence, with an eye on the long term. These kids of ours do grow up. They become adults (after their gradual and often baffling transition from “dogs” to “cats”…each requiring its own style of responsiveness). And sometimes the best thing we can do is put down the book and go with our gut.
His transformative tips?
- Stay away from extremes, and try to refrain from reacting – especially to your teen’s moods and words. Instead, take a moment to think and reflect – what is my child (teen) needing right now? Dr. Harris firmly believes – and reminds parents – that most children and teens have NO desire to do badly with their diabetes! They are simply doing their best to be normal and often times diabetes does not fit with being normal. Taking time to figure out what their needs are, and working collaboratively to meet them, can lead to greater connection, satisfaction and well-being.
- Model healthy living. We can’t change our DNA, but we can accept that much of what we teach is in how we live our lives. If parents don’t have diabetes, they can still make healthy choices in nutrition, exercise, stress, visiting the doctor routinely – health-promoting actions. This helps normalize what can feel like extra burdens for the child/teen with diabetes. Like many of our guests have said, making diabetes a family affair can be good for everyone.
- Think of parenting as a long-term investment, kind of like the stock market. Parents are constantly influencing their children and unfortunately, the payoff is when children become adults. Like the stock market, our investments go up and down. If we invest as wisely as possible, as early as possible – and monitor all along they way, steady and constant in our intentions for the long-term vision (healthy, independent, happy adults!) – the bumps, bruises, bites and scratches may not hurt quite as much.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, Dr. Harris!
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